On a Personal Note.
I have been debating writing this post for quite a while....a little over a month in fact. I had completely decided against it, until now. I don't get too personal often...I'm not a fan of being vulnerable, and when you share, you tend to show all your cards. I don't like everyone knowing my business. I also don't enjoy people knowing when I fail, that is something I especially hate. I know we all have failure at times, but, I don't like sharing mine, I would guess that's pretty normal. That being said, I have not failed yet...but, the possibility of me failing being known to anyone, let alone all of you would be humiliating. Hence the strict gag order with penalty of death on my husband, mother, best friend, etc., to not breathe a word to anyone about what's going on! Heck, parts of my immediate family don't even know.
So, where am I going with this you ask. What the hell (sorry Mom) is she talking about? She's babbling about cards, and failure, and hush orders...is the FBI after her? No.
As have several of my fellow, fabulous, design bloggers, I have been contacted by HGTV for the possibility of being on a show. Yes, HGTV gets around. The initial screen test was about a month ago, and I had my "chemistry" test with Sabrina Soto (a DOLL!) today. Yes, people I made it to "call backs." So, why am I talking about failure? I'm not really sure. I guess, as a 31 year old women whose backside is not what it was as a 21 year old woman, a girl starts to feel a little self-conscious. That and the fact that in this industry, you better look dang good, cause even if you are a semi-normal weight, on TV you look like an elephant. Plus, when you stand next to Sabrina Soto, whose got it all...you start to feel a little like "What the heck was I thinking?" And although, I would say, I did beautifully in every other category (thank you)... I can't help but worry about this aspect of the "business," and if it's going to bite me in my hypothetical big ass (sorry again, Mom) in the long run. I'm not looking for a rally around me, or anything. I am nothing, if not a realist. I completely understand that this is just part of this industry, as with age or looks, or anything considered "shallow," those things matter in this business. Immensely. Unfortunate, but still a fact.
So here I am, waiting, and the audition was only a couple of hours ago. I was given a time-line of around 2 weeks for when they would like to have the show cast...which, I would guess really means around 4 weeks, but, I hope not, as the suspense really is torture. Good grief, I can't believe I'm going public with all of this. But, I guess it is fitting, as I've always taken to writing in order to truly express myself, and I know sometimes, even if I do fail, I could encourage someone else. Then again, maybe I'm just full of shit (that's the last one, Mom.)
Here's what it really comes down to. I want this...I'm sure everyone who auditioned feels the same way. But, I need to remind myself, that I have already gotten to do far more that I EVER thought I would. I have a growing design business, I live in the NYC metro area, I mean I'm from Kansas City, MO and as of 3 years ago, had NO CLUE what to do with my life. I had hobbies that I was good at, but, not in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought I'd be here, doing what I'm doing. SO, to be cast in a show would be the cherry on top, if not, I still have the entire sundae to enjoy, and although the cherry would have been nice, ice cream, is ice cream, and it's still pretty sweet.
I will follow up when I know something. Hopefully, I won't have to tell all of you that I suck.