12/03/2010

On a Personal Note.



I have been debating writing this post for quite a while....a little over a month in fact.  I had completely decided against it, until now.  I don't get too personal often...I'm not a fan of being vulnerable, and when you share, you tend to show all your cards.  I don't like everyone knowing my business.  I also don't enjoy people knowing when I fail, that is something I especially hate.  I know we all have failure at times, but, I don't like sharing mine, I would guess that's pretty normal.  That being said, I have not failed yet...but, the possibility of me failing being known to anyone, let alone all of you would be humiliating.  Hence the strict gag order with penalty of death on my husband, mother, best friend,  etc.,  to not breathe a word to anyone about what's going on! Heck, parts of my immediate family don't even know.  

So, where am I going with this you ask.  What the hell (sorry Mom) is she talking about?  She's babbling about cards, and failure, and hush orders...is the FBI after her?  No.

As have several of my fellow, fabulous, design bloggers, I have been contacted by HGTV for the possibility of being on a show.  Yes, HGTV gets around.  The initial screen test was about a month ago, and I had my "chemistry" test with Sabrina Soto (a DOLL!) today.  Yes, people I made it to "call backs."  So, why am I talking about failure?  I'm not really sure.  I guess, as a 31 year old women whose backside is not what it was as a 21 year old woman, a girl starts to feel a little self-conscious.  That and the fact that in this industry, you better look dang good, cause even if you are a semi-normal weight, on TV you look like an elephant.  Plus, when you stand next to Sabrina Soto, whose got it all...you start to feel a little like "What the heck was I thinking?"  And although, I would say, I did beautifully in every other category (thank you)... I can't help but worry about this aspect of the "business," and if it's going to bite me in my hypothetical big ass (sorry again, Mom) in the long run.  I'm not looking for a rally around me, or anything.  I am nothing, if not a realist.  I completely understand that this is just part of this industry, as with age or looks, or anything considered "shallow," those things matter in this business.  Immensely.   Unfortunate, but still a fact. 

So here I am, waiting, and the audition was only a couple of hours ago.  I was given a time-line of around 2 weeks for when they would like to have the show cast...which, I would guess really means around 4 weeks, but, I hope not, as the suspense really is torture.  Good grief, I can't believe I'm going public with all of this.  But, I guess it is fitting, as I've always taken to writing in order to truly express myself, and I know sometimes, even if I do fail, I could encourage someone else.  Then again, maybe I'm just full of shit (that's the last one, Mom.)

Here's what it really comes down to.  I want this...I'm sure everyone who auditioned feels the same way.  But, I need to remind myself, that I have already gotten to do far more that I EVER thought I would.  I have a growing design business, I live in the NYC metro area,  I mean I'm from Kansas City, MO and as of 3 years ago, had NO CLUE what to do with my life.  I had hobbies that I was good at, but, not in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought I'd be here, doing what I'm doing.  SO, to be cast in a show would be the cherry on top, if not, I still have the entire sundae to enjoy, and although the cherry would have been nice, ice cream, is ice cream, and it's still pretty sweet.

I will follow up when I know something.  Hopefully, I won't have to tell all of you that I suck. 

25 comments:

Catherine said...

I just wanted you to know that you're an inspiration to me whether you get the show or not. But I hope you get it! Prayers and positive thoughts headed in your direction!

Anonymous said...

Hey, even if you don't get it, it doesn't mean you suck. Sure, it would mean big exposure for your business and all that, and be a very exciting thing, but the truth is; the fact that you are even in the running for something like this means that you are being noticed. If the accolades don't come with this opportunity, there will be more down the road. Just hang in there and keep doing what you do. Sometimes the road to success is a little longer than we'd hoped it would be, but you're definitely headed in the right direction. Your last paragraph says it all. You might not get THIS cherry...but there will definitely be other Cherries. Disappointment happens, but patience and perseverance will always trump it. Hang in there ;)

LT

modern jane said...

Whatever happens, you are amazing! Don't sell yourself short!

Victoria | vmac+cheese said...

Nichole, can I tell you how inspiring this post was? Okay, A) Being recognized by such a big time network is such a huge accomplishment in and of itself, so you should be majorly proud! But B), I sometimes feel the way you used to, wondering where life would take me and all that, and it is so inspiring and in a way a relief to know that life is chock full of surprises if you just follow your passions. Thanks for showing us all that it's possible to do what you love and become happy and successful doing it!

But on that note, I hope you get the gig!!!!

Hirondelle Rustique said...

How exciting! I hope you make it, I'd love to see you on a show! Sending well wishes your way!

Carissa @ the Fabulous Design File said...

Super exciting! I'll watch you for sure if you get it!

CMullins said...

I'm so glad to hear your doing so well. If I know two people that deserve it , it's you and your husband! Good Luck with the part! I'll be thinking about ya!

Anonymous said...

Nicole, Like you, I've been reticent about showing my inner feelings and putting myself "out there". I've put a few more years under my belt and I want you to know that you will be so much happier once you've opened up and allowed others to cheer, encourage, console, advise, empathize, or otherwise "lift you up". You go, girl, for your dreams. Everything will work out like it's supposed to. Praise God.

Rachel said...

Nichole, I'm a new reader to your awesome blog, and I sent you a note recently. You were even kind enough to write back. Thank you! Now listen here, lovely.....you are one crazy talented lady with one hell of an eye for good design. I have been around the world of ID for a long while, and from what I can tell, you are a uniquely creative force to be wreckoned with! BELIEVE, Nichole. B E L I E V E. Thanks for sharing something so close to your heart with all of us. We are rooting for you!

polkadotsandpuppies.blogspot.com

Brandi said...

Wow, just the opportunity is unreal to think about. Even if you don't get it, it doesn't mean it should reflect negatively upon you. I'm sure there are politics involved so you never know why people make the decisions they make in the end. The point was, you went for it with everything and if it doesn't work out then there's something even better out there for you!

Cheri said...

Wow girl!!! How awesome! You know I am praying for you!!! Can't wait until Thursday to hear more!!! LOVE YOU!

Cheri said...

Oh and by the way... They'd be C-R-A-Z-Y not to take you... I mean really... You've got what it takes girl... I know you... You'd be perfect, perfect. This big a crap you're talking is crazy talk... Seriously. I believe in you. Love & Hugs 2 u!

leanne said...

wow, just getting where you are is an amazing achievement - believe in yourself and don't sell yourself short! good luck, i'll have my fingers crossed for you.

Queenie said...

If they recently stumbled on your blog like I did its easy understandable cut dry why they would have interest in you . I stayed up all night reading your posts plus I looked forward to the next day to come back and finish and to return and see I have a KEEN EYE for DESIGN because now you have been contacted by HGTV ,how wonderful ,dont ever doubt yourself ,your design and style set you apart from other stocks ,thats why you were contacted and thus far I hope you are IT , good luck .

DEVON said...

Hey.... I went to the casting call for "Work of Art: The Next Great Artist" and they didn't so much as sneeze in my direction...
Don't you think I have the talent?
http://www.devonsharon.com

If it doesn't work out, it didn't have ANYTHING to do with you. I promise. I know how you feel with the suspense... If it's bad news, have a good cry and mope session for about a day, then suck it up and move along.
Good Luck.

courtneyoutloud said...

Nichole -
I wanted to be on television from since I can remember. I did everything right and eventually got internships at CNN News and CBS Nightly News. Got to do stories for national press and groomed myself to be the next great entertainment reporter. One little thing - my voice on camera is grating as nails on a chalk board and more effeminate than two drag queens having pillow talk. Every network declined and finally I was told to just stop. And you know what -- I did.

I regret giving up to this day because I let someone else tell it to me. Fast forward some 13 years later and I have dropped out of culinary school and am sitting at home making Xmas trees out of glue and glitter. And you know what? I just got an email that may showcase my random skill sets. Why am I potentially having this opportunity? Because it's my time to shine....I am older, wiser and can balance that hunger with the reality of life.

One thing I do know is that if you can get cast in one thing, you are good enough to get cast in other stuff if this doesn't come through. Just know that this is the beginning.....not the end.

From someone who has only talked to you via your blog, I am happy and proud of you! You provide me with a little more inspiration to keep pushing on!

MerciBlahBlah said...

That is amazing amazing amazing!!!! So happy for you - you are MUY talented-o (how's that for Spanish?), and they would be nutty pants to not give it to you. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, woman!!!

Merci,
Shannan

Shannon @ What's Up Whimsy said...

As soon as I came across your blog a couple of months ago, I knew that you were "one of a kind". You are so talented and you have such a unique style. HGTV would be downright silly to pass you up! Good luck Nichole!!

Kara said...

Thanks for being so open. I think a lot of us feel the same way.

Here's hoping they pick you!

Cares and Mimi said...

You could never suck. You rock! Wow! Thanks for sharing. Sharing makes that tingly feeling last longer. Makes the anticipation more heightened. And makes you feel alive and electric! Enjoy! - Carrie

Rachel @ Little Bits of Lovely said...

Wow, how positively thrilling Nichole, big congratulations to you! Even if you don't win, to even be in the running for this means you are already amazing. You are a true inspiration as someone who has followed their dreams and passions; I commend you!! Rachel xx

Mrs. Limestone said...

Wow, how exciting! Just wanted to stop in and wish you the best. Im sure you did better than you imagine. We are all our own worst critics.

rouge said...

I know compliments never really do much good when someone's got a glum on about themselves, but really, if your face is anything like it is in your picture, the size of your bum is a mere bagatelle. You're gorgeous.

And the commenter who said most of us feel that way? She's right.

I've only just found your blog. I like it a lot. I can see how you'd translate to a tv show really well. Good luck. And I agree with the commenter who said that even if you don't get it, you've done most excellently to get as far as you did.

Jysooner said...

Hey sweetie, I'm missing you tonight sitting here with our little fuzz nuggets while you're in KC with family. We love you and are so proud of you whatever the outcome of this is. You're an amazing wonderful woman and I'm so blessed to have you as my wife. I love you so much.
Jason

Nichole @ Parlour said...

Awww, thanks everyone for the love. It's good to hear, and one way or another, I'm a happy girl.

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